There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Here’s why.
You’re at the start of a new relationship – and it’s pure magic. All those hormones are flying around, you’re working your new lover’s name into every conversation, and you miss them as soon as they leave. It feels so… perfect.
Fast forward to a little while down the track, and you notice things are feeling different. A bit off. A little less… perfect.
Maybe your relationship has been put to the test by unforeseen stress, you’ve moved in with each other or you’ve added children to the mix. Perhaps things have become mundane, or your formerly-shiny lover has left the toilet seat up one too many times.
Your idea and ideal of perfection has come crashing down around you. So what do you do?
The first step is to shift your belief that perfection was ever possible. The fantasy of perfection has been embedded in us since childhood (thanks Disney), and we live in a culture that encourages the belief that perfection exists in everyone else’s lives. Companies play to this deep-seated desire by telling us that anything and everything is possible – as long as we buy certain products.
When you let go of the fantasy, you create space for perfect imperfection to grow. Your relationship – with its quirks, its differences and its humanness – finally has space to breath and blossom.
When we drop the expectations and take the pressure off, a natural organic process begins to occur. We start to experience love – a deeper love, a real love, the choice to love. Love beyond all of the judgement and finger pointing.
So, how do we do it?
Focus on what is working.
In Tantra, we have a practice called transfiguration. It’s the process of appreciating and recognising what is well, beautiful and wonderful about another. If you’re prone to negative thinking, this may be a challenge for you. Commit to a daily practice where you consciously note three awesome things that you love about your partner.
Accept the imperfection.
Understand that any relationship will have both its bliss and its challenges. Your partner will let you down, it’s inevitable. There will be phases when you are in sync and others when you’re not. This is natural, and doesn’t necessarily indicate there is a major problem that needs to be fixed.
Let go of what you can.
Have grace for another’s journey and mistakes. Ask yourself, is it a deal breaker? If it’s not, and if it’s something you can live with, let it go.
Don’t believe everything you see in the movies or on social media. Understand that individuals and companies paint a one-sided picture to sell you a concept or a product. If you are human, you have challenges. This goes for your love, too.
Relationships are a skill to be learnt.
Although perfection is a lie, living with more harmony, love, ecstasy and joy is possible. But we may need to take some time, energy and investment to learn the skills. These are the ways we can truly connect and emerge from the challenges stronger with our partners.
Intrigued? Join me at my next Relationships Workshop on November 23, which is designed for both couples and singles. You’ll learn tools for growing love and passion, resolving conflicting and communicating with ease and grace. It always sells out, so secure your spot here!