Quick conflict resolutions you can’t argue with.
Let’s be realistic here – it’s inevitable that conflict will arise in your relationship. And the fastest and most successful way to find your way back to your partner during these tense times is also probably the last thing you’ll feel like doing.
You need to make amends. The sooner you can reach out during or following an argument, the less permanent the damage will be. The speed with which you can learn to make amends will determine how quickly you can come back into harmony with your love.
Here’s a few handy ways you can amend your simmering situation – stat.
Gently touch their knee or their shoulder, or go ahead and wrap them up in a big bear hug. Try to be the bigger – not bitter – person and be the first one to reach out and touch. I know it’s hard, but go on. When you physically touch a person, it dissolves the space between you. We can get stuck in our heads, going around in circles, thinking we have all these good reasons to cut ourselves off from our partner. Watch as the whole dynamic changes instantly when one of you reaches for the other.
Show you understand.
Understanding your partner is one of the most practical ways you can make amends. Even saying something like “I totally understand why you would feel like that” works wonders.
It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but at least they hear that they’re being heard. At the core of it, simply being understood is what we’re usually fighting for.
If you can express something that shows a barrier dropping, and you can show your vulnerability, it’s likely your partner will also soften. Vulnerability instantly creates a letting down of our guard. It’s a beautiful way to make amends. Let them know you’re hurting, scared, embarrassed or triggered and you’ll see how this can immediately create intimacy.
Something worth pointing out here is that when it comes to amends, sometimes the action comes before the feeling. My husband, for example, is way better at amends than I am. Ads is often the first one to reach out. He might not feel like hugging me, but he’ll just put his arms around me anyway. That’s the action. We might not feel like doing it, but when we do, if we can stay in that space, the feeling and intimacy follows. It’s like anything in life, such as if you smile long enough you’ll start to feel happy. You might not feel like smiling, but if you create that action the emotion will often come afterwards.
The next time you find yourself in conflict – which, again, we know is inevitable – I implore you to unearth some of these tools and make amends as soon as you can. Try to remember that making peace is more important than being right. Life is too short to spend it holding grudges – hold onto each other instead!